Unforgiveness Kills
Forgiveness is something God calls us to do. We not only need to forgive those who wrong us, but we are to love them even if they remain our enemies. It isn’t easy forgiving another who has hurt you deeply.
Here are a few of the reasons I’ve heard about why to not forgive.
It won’t change them.
They won’t forgive me back.
They won’t stop hurting me.
Those are all wrong. We are not forgiving to change them. We must forgive in order to change ourselves. If we can’t forgive, we harbor all the bitterness, depression, anger, etc. Science has proved that holding onto these negative feelings hurts us more than emotionally and mentality. It is also a physical toxin that eats at the body.
Forgiveness allows us to break out of the dark cycle that gnaws at us. We can step out with a new view of the past. Sure, what they did still hurts, but now we are not hurting ourselves. We can move on from there one step at a time. We can even learn how to love them as Jesus would by praying for God to come into their lives and help them. I said step by step because some paths to true forgiveness take time for us to work through. Others may come more easily.
How important is forgiveness to God?
Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Mark 11:25
And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
Forgiveness is very important to God. If we are not willing to forgive someone for wrongs against us, then He will not forgive us for wrongs against Him. Jesus came into the world because God so loved it and He wanted us to have a way of reconciliation. Part of this process is forgiving sins.
Colossians 3:12-13
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
We must do as Jesus did in how we treat others and how we handle offenses against us. If we want to be judgmental and not forgive, how do we expect forgiveness from God?
I love Peter. He was quite impetuous. He may have stumbled many times, but he learned who Jesus was and what was expected.
Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
From there, Jesus jumps into the parable of the unforgiving servant to help us understand the importance of forgiveness. To sum up, a servant pleads for mercy rather than jail because he can’t pay his debt. He is forgiven, but immediately goes out and demands a much smaller debt from a fellow servant. His response is to put the man in jail rather than showing him mercy. Thus, the master changes his mind because the servant could not pay his forgiveness forward to another. It ends with Jesus adding that we must do this from our heart. This is how forgiveness and love are tied together. God will know if we forgive truly if our heart agrees with what we are confessing. I suggest reading the entire parable in Matthew 18:21-35.
Luke 17:3-4
Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, swaying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.
Sometimes we may not know if we caused an offense to another or people may not know they trespassed against us. We have to be open about it and rebuke them. That does not mean we get all angry with them. No, we go in love, and explain how we took offense to something they said or did. This opens up a path to discussion and if they apologize from the heart (repent), then forgive them. Also, be ready to repent if you are the one that caused the offense, even if it was just an assumption. Clear the air in love and both can move on with better understanding of each other.
Back to my statement about how unforgiveness only harms ourselves. If the other person doesn’t know what they did, and even if they do, there is no path to reconciliation if we stay angry. Our unforgiveness is not hurting them nor helping the situation. It only festers within us. No matter how long ago it happened and where we are at now, as soon as we know we should forgive them, we must do so. It is amazing how much of a burden will rise from your shoulders.
I had a lot to forgive in the first months of being a Christian. I also had a lot to repent. It took effort to do so. However, in all the relationships where both parties allowed reconciliation to happen, we could move on. Nothing remained the same, but the friendships that ended with forgiveness included did so with a much better parting than the ones without it.
It’s an ongoing process as I learn to be more like Jesus with how I treat others with love and offer forgiveness. It’s so easy to cause an offense if we are not paying attention. Being a rather forward person, I’ve had to taper how I react when offended or called out for an offense. I can definitely relate to Peter and some of the other disciples as they learned how to adjust their thinking about forgiveness.
Think of one person right now that you need to forgive. Do so immediately. If you need help, pray to God to help you put your heart in the right place.
For further study, I suggest checking out the resources at bible.org.